Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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