I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
