I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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