when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
