I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
