omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize