her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
