Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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