dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
