i may or may not be watching the land before time
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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