If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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