I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize