Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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