Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
