put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
