When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
