glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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