How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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