I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
