i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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