The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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