Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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