so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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