It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
