i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
