I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
