When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
