she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
