he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
