last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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