So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
