I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
