I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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