it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
