so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
