forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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