look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
