i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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