do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
