So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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