Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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