you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
