Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
how can u be prego again
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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