so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
