I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
