So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
sex in a hospital.. check
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize