i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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