Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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