the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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