I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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