so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
