I've blown a few things in my day
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
