Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm drive I can fine osifer
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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