so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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