Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
