So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize