goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
