Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
