I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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