so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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