It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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