my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
