Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
one might say we're banned from that church
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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