Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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