I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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