I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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