Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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