Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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