I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
