i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
