This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
