2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize