I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
