I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
