You're so nebulous sometimes
Soap is not a condiment
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize