So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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