eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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