i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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