if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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