i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
