I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize