Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
