he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
