Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
