make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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