Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
