So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
