The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
