I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You are the jesus of drinking
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
