PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You're earring is so big in my mouth
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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