i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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