My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
