I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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