i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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