thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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