Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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