I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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