if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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