yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
