All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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