And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
