stop calling my apartment porn island.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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