So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
