so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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