It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
