He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
