I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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