just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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