Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
