I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
