And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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